My Retainer

I told you to stay tuned and you did!  And you all thought I was being silly.  Here it is, my retainer.

These gross invisiline retainers were new and exciting when I got my braces off in eighth grade, but zoom in on this: I have really sensitive gums.  That razor sharp rock solid plastic shredded my mouth and I begged for the traditional style of retainer because this thing was killing me.  My dentist (who I never liked and thought was kind of a jerk, but everyone else thought was just SO awesome and SO kind and SO charming) told me problem solved after her shaved some of the edges down.  Problem not solved, Buttplug.  It hurt me!  I announced "This hurts me and I'm not going to wear it.  Give me the other style because I'm not wearing this."  They didn't give me the other one, and guess what!  I didn't wear it. 

So PSYCH!  This is actually my SECOND retainer because my teeth moved after not wearing the first one and my mom had to buy me a second one, which I loudly declared I would not be wearing during the entire process.  My mom was so mad, and I don't blame her, but when you're 14 there is little concept of the ratio of pain level to financial cost.  So all my teeth moved, I barely wore the retainer (exactly like I said) and my retainer found it's way into my box of things that for reasons I can't explain, I should not get rid of.  Maybe because I knew it was so expensive I felt like I should keep it.  And you know what?  I got WAY more compliments on my teeth after they spread back out than I did when I first got my braces off.  I had to have braces to correct some grinding issues, not because my parents wanted me to have a parallel smile.  Even though I have some "girl next door" teeth now and not perfectly aligned teeth, the grinding is fixed so alls well that ends well.  

Good bye, retainer!  I never liked you and now my guilty conscience about not wearing you is cleared with throwing you away.  Take that, Dr. Larry Levin.  You never made me feel comfortable and might be one of the major contributions to why I am irrationally afraid of going to the dentist.